I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
