I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
