i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
