Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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