hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When are your genitals available?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
