Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
