I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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