She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
