I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
