Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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