This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
