Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
