Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
