I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
