wat bout pragnant strippers??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
