can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This house was built for laser tag.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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