She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my sisters under your porch take her home
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
