Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
