Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
