Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
