be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
