I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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