everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
