Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
porn star boner night. come get it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
