dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
