This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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