I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
