sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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