Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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