mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
