it was like eating out sand paper
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
