loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
