im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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