Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize