it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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