i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
