Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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