you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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