very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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