eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
