this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
