I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
