i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
