do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
