woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
