So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
