hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
