My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
