im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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