No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
