Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
