there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
