thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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