just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
