The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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