Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
