Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
