They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
