i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
