That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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