I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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