why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
