I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
