he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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