He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
