twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
