Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
