He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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