I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
