planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
