ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
