K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
