but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
