What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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