Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
