everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
