Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
