she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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