Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
