we have pet lesbian snakes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
