We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
