Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
