we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
