Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
