I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
