Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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