I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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