All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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