Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
