I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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